In the words of Lars Ulrich... Fuck. I didnt get the loan for my schooling. In some way Im super relieved. I was not ready at all to hang and bang with the nappy headed hoes of the rutgers university. I saved up 1,000$ to save my seat, and that took a long time. She said my seat will be waiting for me next year. I suck with money/life/relationships/diets/ that pretty much nails it right in (eh). The bosses understand that I wasnt prepaired and arent mad at me, thats about the only plus. My goal for this year is move to Alaska. I know it sounds off the wall and fucking stupid, but they have shitty jobs that pay well for overtime and stuff. I just need to get my new jersey foot in any Alaskan businesses door. I dont want to die here. Id rather die by a bear attack then stay here and die young from two heart surgeries, and a failed gastric bypass. In realtiy, thats my future in NJ. I suck, I dont like talking to people about my problems, so here I am, a 15 year old outcast girl writing in her journal.